


Like Tears in Rain

by Zoe_Dameron



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Major Character Injury, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 02:24:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6592786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Dameron/pseuds/Zoe_Dameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the prompt:<br/>"Poe always talks very excitedly about taking Finn home to Yavin 4 to introduce him to his dad. Kes would love him, Poe is absolutely sure, and they'd hit it right off and Finn would be part of the family, not that Poe hasn't been thinking about him that way for ages now. It's a shame the war keeps getting in the way of all that, but eventually Finn gets to meet Kes Dameron. At Poe's funeral."</p><p>~*Surprise new chapter two months later*~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It doesn’t rain much on D’Qar. Well, it never _just_ rains. The Resistance base was on a planet where thunderstorms roiled, the intensity often jostling things off shelves and knocking out the power at inopportune times.

Today, though – rain. The soft droplets bouncing off Finn’s window might have even been pleasant, relaxing, in better circumstances. He listens to it for hours as he lays awake, staring at the ceiling. Sleep doesn’t call for him much anymore. Not in this bed, anyway. It’s too big for him now. Too much space.

 _Space_.

He thinks about floating away as he listens to the rain. Letting his body drift endlessly to nowhere. Nothing keeping him here. He is a planet without a star, orbiting nothing.

 _Nothing_.

How he felt. The only feeling left. He was hollowed out. Vacant. The rain could flood the base and he’d stay right here. He wondered what it felt like to drown. If it felt like this. Intense pain and then… surrender.

Their alarm clock beeped across the room. 07:00. Finn pulled the jacket tight around himself, letting the comfort of it try to ground him. Today was the day. If he could get through it… things might get better. Part of him chuckled at that thought – nothing would get better. Nothing would ever be good again.

He hadn’t noticed he’d been crying until after he dragged himself out of bed and saw his own reflection in the ‘fresher. His brown eyes were dull, spiritless, swollen from two days of tears and lack of sleep. There had been passion behind them, once. Back when there was something, _someone_ to be passionate about. Someone who brought the light out in everyone.

Now that light was gone, and Finn was alone.

\---

Since she’d been called back, Rey’s room was across from Finn’s, and they met in the hall to walk to mess together. It was a formality, mostly. Neither had eaten since the news came down. Holding Rey’s hand was more satisfying than food, anyway. A twinge of gratitude blossomed inside of his chest, and he was thankful she was around to help him feel something. They both smiled weakly at each other, sipping juice as they sat in silence across from the pilots.

Snap commented that he’d never heard mess this quiet. Rey nodded in response.

Outside, it kept raining.

\---

There had been rumors that the rain might interfere with the preparations they had made, that the wood for the pyre would be too wet to light. Finn didn’t think he could hold out for another day, so he was grateful to hear Leia had accounted for the weather. She was so strong, even after having lost so much. Pilots die all the time. It spoke to Poe’s character that this loss affected her so deeply.

 _Poe_.

Finn hadn’t allowed himself to think his name. It felt… too soon. Too soon for what, he didn’t know. He rolled the name over in his head and tried to picture all the times he had said it out loud. Thought about hearing it for the first time, shouted back to Finn during their daring escape from the Finalizer.

_I’m Poe, Poe Dameron!_

Good to meet you, Poe.

_Good to meet you too, Finn!_

One of their first adventures, and nowhere near their best. He had a way about him, Poe Dameron. Made you care and feel loved, regardless of who you were. Near the end, he made Finn feel loved most of all.

It wasn’t fair. They had made plans, Poe and Finn. The war was winding down, close to won on the Resistance side. They would have had time, finally. Time to do everything they talked about, those late nights home together in the base.

As soon as a cease-fire was reached, Poe was going to request some days off. He was going to show Finn every wonder in the galaxy. Finn remembered him rattling each destination off, and he swore he’d never seen him so excited. Poe had hastily drawn up a list and tacked it to the wall in their room. Finn would look at the list one day, he decided, and he’d go to all the places Poe had charted for them.

All but the final stop, a moon named Yavin IV.

He needed Poe for that one. Maybe there was a future where Finn would be able to meet Poe’s dad with clear eyes, he’d shake his hand, listen to his stories. There was no doubt Kes Dameron would be as amazing as Poe had told him, but… the idea of going there alone was an impossible task. It’d be like losing his pilot all over again.

A glance at the clock told him it was nearly time. Today was going by too quickly, he wasn’t ready. He’d have to stand up in front of the entire base and say goodbye to the only person he loved, and who he felt truly loved him.

 _Not yet, too soon_.

Earlier that morning Rey had asked if he needed someone to walk to the gathering with, but he politely declined. Her presence would be better suited to soothe the other pilots. She had woken BB-8, who had been in low-power mode since he was told about Poe. Maybe as a group they could find some relief. Finn planned on heading out early and wandering the base before joining the others.

He was adrift. Lost at sea, purposeless.

Stepping out into the rain, he thought about drowning again. Finn closed his eyes and let the water flow over him. He couldn’t tell if he was crying. Maybe the rain wasn’t so bad after all.

The base was calm, quiet. Out on the tarmac all of the X-wings were grounded. There were no droids skittering about, making repairs, no trainees suffering through another one of Snap’s stories. There was no Poe. No light.

Finn had always been amused at the idea of the most wonderful and heroic person in the Resistance painting his X-wing black, the color of the First Order. Poe hadn’t thought of that, just that it sounded cool.

_Black One._

Beyond reason, they had recovered his ship, intact, from the clutches of the First Order. Maybe the First Order parted with it to as a final cruel gesture. They had what they wanted. They had taken everything that mattered. Without its pilot, Black One was just another ship.

He desperately wanted to see it one last time before they repainted it to shuffle it back into rotation. Leia had told him that if the war ended before it was needed, that they’d decommission it or give it to him if he wanted it. Sometimes he thought she loved Poe just as much as he did. He wouldn’t blame her.

Black One had been stored away from the rest of the X-wings, for morale reasons. Not many knew where it was being kept now, which is why it surprised Finn to see a man he didn’t recognize running his hands over the side of it.

Finn was incensed, breaking into a light jog towards the man, real anger flaring his nostrils. Who did he think he was? Doesn’t he know whose ship that is?

_How dare he._

The silence of the base and the sound of Finn’s pace splashing in the puddles gave his approach away, and the man turned towards him, stopping Finn in his tracks. _Of course_. The olive green jacket, with markings indicating he was a sergeant. The sad, dark, brown eyes of a man who’s seen enough loss for one lifetime. The salt and pepper curls that matched a rough, yet dignified beard.

Finn felt his breath hitch in his throat. He wasn’t ready.

Kes Dameron. He was here to say goodbye to his son.

The man he had heard so much about, here in front of him. Though he looked utterly heartbroken, Kes weakly shot him that effortlessly brilliant Dameron smile as he reached out a hand.

“You must be Finn.”

His body on autopilot, Finn reached a hand to meet him. Poe had been a hugger and Kes was no different, wrapping his arms around the former Stormtrooper. Finn closed his eyes and leaned in to it. He felt warm, welcoming, like family.

They both stood there in the rain for a long while before wordlessly deciding it was time to say their goodbyes, Kes walking with his arm over Finn’s shoulder.

A crowd that Finn figured was the entire base had gathered at a clearing in the woods. In the center of the clearing was a funeral pyre, typically reserved for fallen Jedi. Whether it was because Poe had been slightly Force-sensitive, or because Leia respected him that damn much, Finn was grateful.

It was a symbolic pyre. The First Order hadn’t returned the body.

Leia had taken a slightly elevated position at the head of the group, which had fallen silent as they waited for her to begin.

The entire base listened in quiet rapture as she spoke of Poe Dameron’s life, detailing everything from his Resistance triumphs, to the way he made people feel important, _special_ , to his childhood on the base. Finn was standing next to Kes, trying in vain to hold it together. In the past day the tears had fallen out of him without warning, but at this moment he felt his cheeks flush and his throat constrict as he bit back his anguish. Kes once again wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. Finn didn’t dare look up, but he could tell from the way Kes’s chest heaved that it was for his own comfort as much as Finn’s.

Once Leia concluded, Snap and Jessika, two of Poe’s best friends, walked forward with torches. He realized that Leia had been holding back the rain using the Force.  

Finn watched as the flames grew, climbing into the sky, up towards oblivion. He wished he was up there, above it all. Above the rain, above the clouds. Careless, floating away from this place, away from the pain that was eating him alive. He’d float, and when he was done floating, he’d see Poe again.

As the flames died down, people began returning to the base. There were a few who stayed, including Leia and the pilots, but in the end the only two left were Kes and Finn. Kes with his arm still around Finn’s shoulder, Finn still leaning in like Kes was his own father.

They stood there in silence all evening and into the night, watching as the fire burned to a glowing ember. It was morning when the fire finally ceased.

It would be nice to say that at this moment, the dawn of a new day, the grey clouds parted and the sun peeked through.

But it just kept raining.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bonus chapter to possibly make everything better.

A week after the funeral, and the Resistance base was finding its new normal. Morale was low, but the impending victory against the First Order was helping to rally the troops, all of whom had lost so much.

General Organa was sitting in Comms going over the latest intel when she heard a crashing sound from just above them, followed by the familiar clang of BB-8’s body rolling down the stairs. Finn was flying hot at BB-8’s side, the two of them rushing past the rest of the station to address her.

“Finn, what… what’s the meaning of this? Is everything alright?”

He was out of breath, bending over briefly to rest his hands on his knees, explaining himself in spurts. “BB-8! Has a –! The video –! BB-8… show! Show her!”

Rolling to the middle of the room, oblivious to the gathering crowd, BB-8 proudly broadcast the message he had received only minutes earlier.

“–mmander Poe Dameron, with the Resistance. I’m uh, very much alive, and would really love an evac team to come help me, uh, if you can spare one. Can’t explain now, limited power left. I’m sending BB-8 the coordinates. Hope you guys see this. Uh, so yeah, please send –”

The message was cut off, and began to repeat. Poe looked like hell, matching the holovid of his body the First Order had sent to them. Did they fake his death, only to keep him alive in secret? Had Poe escaped? But how? All of these questions and more raced through General Organa’s mind, and likely the minds of everyone else in the room who had been watching. She locked eyes with Finn.

“Was Poe able to send the coordinates to BB-8 before he lost power?”

Finn nodded. She watched as a smile stretched across his face. The first one she’d seen in quite a while.

“Let’s go get him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to add this bonus chapter. Like hell am I going to let Poe Dameron die in one of my stories. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE CHAPTER THREE OUTTA NOWHERE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One billion million thanks to @darktensh17 for reviewing this before I posted it. <3

Finn was never one to believe in luck. Good fortune was a foreign concept for someone kidnapped from their family as a child to live as battle fodder for an evil empire. Besides, luck required a surrender of control, a sacrifice of one’s own agency to the cold, fickle whims of the universe. No, luck didn’t interest him at all. Finn’s future was his own to decide. At that moment, he was exactly where he wanted to be. Luck had nothing to do with it.

Life in the world made by the First Order was harsh and unforgiving, existences eked out often at the expense of others. Settlements sprouted on backwater planets, cobbled together out of scrap and moxie and grit and a determination to _live_ , damn the cost. Finn had seen a bit of this life since defecting, had seen the lengths folk would go to survive. No one was _lucky_. Here, you lived until you didn’t. Everything in between required work to stay afloat.

After a lifetime of survival, there came a time when Finn felt like he couldn’t try anymore. When he wanted to drift away into the maw of oblivion and stop fighting, stop struggling for happiness in a world that seemed to delight in denying him.

It started with the routine mission to a nearby moon, followed by a final comm from Black One.

_Can’t pull out! – controls are slaved – Red, Blue, jump away! – Snap, tell Finn I – … – … – … –_

Then the holovid transmission from the First Order.

_We wanted to share with you what remained of the Resistance’s best pilot._

The way his intact arm was lifted and dropped, lifelessly. A dramatic message sent only for shock value.

The funeral.

The rain.

His desire to float away culminated with an emergency transmission to BB-8 and coordinates to a distant rainforest planet. Finn had arrived first, spotting the wrecked First Order transport ship before the rest of the search party. He’d followed the footprints through the ceaseless rain, finding their source huddled under the enormous root of a Wroshyr tree.

It was at that moment that time officially stopped for Finn, the years of struggle melting away, replaced by relief and a glowing resolve that found his heart nearly beating out of his chest; he didn’t want to float, he wanted to soar.

He’d watched the other pilots' faces as they passed through to the medbay, each a mixture of sorrow and joy. Commander Dameron had returned, but just barely.

And now here he was.

Alive.

Not quite whole, but close.

Finn had spent entire days worth of time watching Poe’s chest slowly rise and fall, maneuvering around machines and drips and droids and concerned medical staff as he clutched desperately to the pilot’s hand.

 _Poe Dameron is so lucky to be alive_ , they’d say. _We’re so lucky it wasn’t worse._

Finn would bristle at the comments, wanted to shout back that crediting luck flew in the face of everything Poe did to get back to them. Instead he held his tongue, allowing them to believe whatever they needed to get through the day.

No one could figure out how he survived and escaped, especially in that condition. Finn didn’t care about the hows or whys; Poe was dead, and then he wasn’t. That was good enough.

Impossibly, Poe pulled through. Finn had been there when he first opened his eyes, the look of relief and joy and gratitude almost intoxicating.

_Good morning, Poe._

_Good morning, Finn._

With recovery came a direct order from the General to get off base for a while, to _go live_ for a bit before rejoining the fight. Finn grabbed Poe’s list on the way out the door.

A month later, Finn was still holding Poe’s hand as he slept. Even with memories of swirling nebulas and dusky purple waterfalls and planets made of diamond still fresh in his mind, the pilot was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He lay facing Poe as he waited for him to wake up, tracing his fingers down Poe’s forearm. The seam at his elbow where real skin met artificial skin was fading, and some days Finn couldn’t even tell that anything had been replaced. His eyes only left Poe once, when he caught a glimpse of an old Rebel Alliance propaganda poster on the bedroom wall. It was faded, but Finn still thought Leia looked beautiful.

At the sound of sheets rustling next to him, Finn turned back in time to see Poe blinking the sleep out of his eyes, his long lashes catching the dawn as it crept through the window. Finn was a sucker for Poe’s eyelashes, the way he looked through them as he softly brushed his tongue over his bottom lip, and for the smirk that would follow it. For all of him.

“Good morning, Poe.”

Finn leaned over to kiss his forehead, then the tip of his nose, his stomach fluttering at the sound of Poe moaning softly back up at him.

“Mmmm… good morning, Finn.”

Poe nuzzled his head into Finn’s arm for comfort as Finn kissed down the pilot’s neck and ear, biting playfully at his earlobe. Finn ran his hand down the side of Poe’s body, the contact of his fingers on the bare skin of Poe’s chest and legs making him shudder with contentment. The two sighed softly, wrapping themselves around each other as they melted back into the bedsheets.

Finn had almost dozed back off when he heard a quiet knock at the door.

“Come in,” Poe croaked from underneath Finn.

Kes poked his head through the door with a cheeky smile across his face. Kes smiled a lot these days.

“Rise and shine, boys. Breakfast’s in 5. Made some hotcakes with poptree syrup.”

“…Finn. Mmmm hotcakes. Finn they’re so good,” Poe whispered as he nuzzled his face into Finn’s chest.

Finn smiled, turning back to Kes. “That sounds delicious, sir. We’ll get dressed and be right down.”

“Son,” Kes replied, “You know you don’t need to call me ‘sir’. It’s either ‘dad’ or ‘Kes’ in this house. You’re family now.”

Finn nodded back at him, waiting for the door to completely close before pulling Poe closer.

“Finn he’s making hotcakes,” Poe whispered again.

“I know, sweetheart. We should get dressed and go eat them,” Finn explained against Poe’s messy morning curls.

“Mmmm. Want to cuddle though.” This man would be the death of him.

“We have to get up, Poe. Still a few more things on your list. What’d you want to see today?”

“Hmmm.” Poe yawned. “We could take some speederbikes up to the old Jedi temples? Weather?”

“Looks like it’s our lucky day,” Finn snickered to himself, slowly running his hands up and down Poe’s back. “Warm. Sunny.”

“Good, I hate the rain.”

Finn pulled him close. “Me too, Poe. Me too.”


End file.
